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.I just didn’t know what or how to get him to tell me.I turned my MP3 player on and supervised letting Thayne do most of the work, but I did the more intricate items so it matched the tanks perfectly.I knew I was a perfectionist when it came to my work.I had been razzed more than once over it, only it wasn’t something I could help.If it had my name on it, it was going to be as close to perfect as I could make it before I let it out of my care.I watched Thayne closely while he passed smooth strokes across the frame with the purple I had chosen.The purple reminded me of hydrangeas, it was just this shade of blue, and would look great when I added the gold pin striping I had planned.The rest of the parts that needed to be painted would be done in satin black to match the tanks.I was still debating adding some flair to those parts.I was going to wait until the bike was together before deciding if it needed more or not.It was easier to add more afterwards than to regret it and then remove it.It kinda sucked that the first time that I wasn’t given a time limit to paint was the time that they wouldn’t let me actually paint.I had been looking forward to this.I wanted to show what I could really do, so standing on the sidelines really wasn’t sitting well with me.When he was finally finished with the frame I helped him change colors so we could get the smaller items done and let them dry overnight.Then we would come back to them tomorrow to get to work on details.The smaller items were quickly finished and I was happy that we wouldn’t have to move anything risking damage to the freshly painted pieces.We headed out of the room and I instantly ripped the mask from my face then stripped out of the protective covering that we had to wear while in the room.I really hated wearing them.When I worked at home, I wore jeans, a tank top with a flannel over the top.I liked being able to move comfortably while working, and that did not include the suit some shops required.We headed back to the stall to see what we could help with.Thayne and I hadn’t really discussed anything other than painting the bike.I was about to scream out of sheer frustration, I wanted, no, needed him to talk to me.Only I didn’t think I really wanted to know what was going on because I didn’t think I would like what he had to say, I was stuck.I sighed walking into the stall, instantly being put to work running around getting items we needed until time was up.I wasn’t even all that surprised to find Thayne gone when I made it back to our stall.I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door to go home.I just wanted to curl up on my bed and take a nap while trying not to think about Thayne.I knew that wouldn’t happen since I hadn’t slept well for the past two nights, because I was, of course thinking about him.When I got home, I went straight to my room curling up in the fetal position in the center of the bed, wishing I could sleep.Instead I dug my phone from my pocket, I didn’t particularly want to make this call but I knew it couldn’t be put off forever.I figured it would be better to get it over with now than have to do this face to face and deal with a potential fight.“Scout,” he greeted.“Hi Cas,” I replied quietly.“You okay?”“Yeah, I’m fine.”“How’s the arm?”“Doesn’t bother me anymore.”“That’s good,” he said sounding distracted.“Did I call at a bad time?”“No, just trying to figure out what you needed.”I took a deep breath not wanting to fight with him.“I didn’t need anything just thought I would call and see how you’re doing.”“Mmm,” I could hear the doubt in that small response and I began to second-guess my decision to call him.“I’ll let you get back to whatever it was you were doing,” I murmured.“Scout, what’s going on?”“I just wanted to talk to you,” I whispered.“I miss that, it feels like I can’t do that anymore.”“Ah baby girl, you can always talk to me.”I shook my head even though I knew he couldn’t see it.“No, not really, every time we talk anymore we fight.I don’t want to fight Cas.I’m tired of fighting.”“Scout, what’s going?” I could hear the concern in his voice.“I called Dr.Moore the other day.”“Yeah, what about?”“I asked him to set me up with a therapist.”I heard his inhale but he remained quiet for a moment.“Why now? You were never interested in it before.”“Because I am ready now.”“You’re sure? I don’t want you to delve into all this just to watch you fall apart again.”I sighed this is why I didn’t want to tell him, he made me second-guess myself.“Yes, I’m sure,” I said trying to make myself sound confident in this choice.“I’m also moving out,” I told him thinking about what Saul had done for me.“I know you told me,” he muttered.“As soon as possible, I am moving out,” I told him.“Why rush it?”“It’s time, Cas.”“Is this because of the guy, Scout? If it is you can tell me that, I just don’t want you to make a decision then regret it.”“Isn’t that life though, Cas? Making the best decision you can with what resources you have.This is my best decision with what I have, and I can’t give you a guarantee that everything is going to turn out with rainbows and unicorns.I just know that I can’t continue this way, something has to change, and I think this is the best way to go about it.”I heard him sigh, and I knew he was running his fingers through his nonexistent hair, frustrated.“When did you grow up, Scout? How did I miss that you don’t need me anymore?”“I still need you, Cas.I just don’t think I need you to run my life anymore.It’s time for me to try and not forget because I will never forget but maybe not remember constantly.”“Is that what I did?” he asked quietly.“It’s what everything did, Cas,” I whispered.“I never had a real chance or wanted to deal with it, and you let me not deal with it.I don’t know if that was right or wrong, and honestly don’t really care.All I know is that I can’t keep not dealing with it, if I do, I don’t know what’s going to happen but I do know I can’t take much more.”He sighed once again.“Just be honest, baby girl, is this because of the guy or for you?”“I think it started before I even came here.I moved into your place and I was on my own for the first time, even if everyone checked on me.Then I met him and he saw me or the me I could be.I’m not sure, all I know is that I am tired of being scared.I am so tired of hurting, Cas,” I whispered.“I know you are, baby girl, and I am so tired of seeing you hurting.”I let out a breath, “I love you, big brother.”“I love you too, Scout.I love you so much and I will try to back off, just expect me to mess up sometimes.”“Yeah, we all will probably mess up for a while, it’s going to be hard to change.”“It is, but as long as you’re happy then we’ll make this work.”“Okay,” I told him.“I need to go help get dinner done, I’ll call you soon.”“Okay and Scout be careful, yeah?”“Always, Cas, love you.”“Love you too, baby girl.”With that, I hung up feeling good about where Cas and I were at in our relationship.I knew we would eventually be okay [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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