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.1 wonder ifhorseback ridingcan gwe me a shapely butt.I wonder ifl'll ever learn to ride a horse.I wonder how Mom is feeling.I wonder if Jackie liked camp.I wonder if Georgia has stoppedsucking her thumb.I wonder if Derek and Carmen are still together.(I wonder if Carmen is pregnant yet.)I wonder iI'dad misses me at all.203The Next MorningI came downstairs to the aroma of coffee.Really streng coffee.It smelled delicious.Aunt J sipped a cup, offered one to me.I shook my head."No, thanks."It was a sin.Considering my recent behavior,I wasn't sure why coffee worried me.It was tempting.Aunt J said it was up to me, but far as she knew, God couldn't care less.It made my mouth water.Was it the smell? The idea of giving in to temptation? I hadn't a clue.It was wrong, and I knew it.Whatever it was, I crumbled like biscotti, in need of black coffee.It demanded I try it.A small sip wrinkled my nose.A big gulp went down like water.It was bitter.Aunt J offered sugar and cream, but I wanted the truth of coffee.It was the best thing I'd ever tasted.204What Had Happened to MeBeer.Tequila.Coffee.Heavy petting, which,I had to admit, I enjoyed.What was next? Excommunication?What if it was? Could Ideal with that? Could myfamily? Would they allbe eonsidered outcasts?Would they hate meif they were? Dumbquestion, right? So, okay, if they disowned me, like Dad had disownedDouglas, would I get over it, create a solidexistence without them?Would I find a way to forgive myself, evenlove myself, or wouldI react like Molly and end the pain completely?205After BreakfastI asked Aunt J if I could borrow a rifle for a little target practice.Sure.Why not? They're wastingaway in that cabinet.Wasting away? "How come?You must like to shoot."I do hunt venison once a year.I don't especially enjoy it.So much for Annie Oakley."Why do you have so many guns?"Stan collected them, more for show than use.Extravagant, really.But they were beautiful."What do you mean?"A person only needs three guns-- a good hunting rifle.For filling the freezer with venison once a year.a handgun for protection, and a scattergun--for varmints.I had no urge to mess with shotguns.A big one could take your arm off.You're welcome to borrow whatever.Take the pickup and make a day of it.206Was she crazy? "Uh, thanks, AuntJ, but I don't know how to drive."What? Going on seventeen and you still can't drive?"Dad said if my husband wants me to know how, he'll have to teach me."207The Look on Her FaceWas priceless.I'ddefinitely hit some kind of a nerve.Aunt Jgave me a nudge toward the door.Let's go.An old Ford pickup, circa 1950-something, loitered in the scatteredshade of the driveway.Get in.I'll teach you.I glanced at the classic truck, with bug-eyed headlights above a biggrill and not a ding under the primer.Don't worry.You can't hurt her.I doubted that.But the freedomAunt J had offered me was a powerful temptation.Get in.We'll he fine.I slid under the steeringwheel, hands shaky as Jell-O.Had no idea what to do next.Put the key in the ignition.In it went, like it wanted to be there.One turn and the motorsputtered to life.Right pedal, go.Left pedal, stop.207208I punched the right pedal.The engine rewed and roared a protest.Aunt J grinned.First you have to put it in gear.Duh! The gearshift.How many times had Iwatched someone use it?Right now she's in Park.Oh yeah.P for park,R for reverse."So whatdoes D stand for?"And before I knew it, I was.Drive.209We Started DownA wide dirt track that paralleled the fence line, that paralleled the main road in from town.Steering came easy enough.turn the wheel, not too hard, and go the direction you Turned it.The gas pedal wasn't a mystery either.Pushharder, go faster.Let up on it, slow down.The brakes took a bit of getting used to.Push the pedal easy, slow gently.Stomp? Don't!After a couple of steering over-corrections and a herky-jerky start or two, I began to get the hang of it.I was bumping along, thoroughly engrossed in driving a straight line, when Aunt J interrupted.Stop a sec.Another pickup, a blue Dodge Dakota, had pulled onto the Shoulder on the far side of the fence.I braked the Ford to a quick stop, as the Dodge's driverstood up from changing his flat.Morning, Ms.Petrie.210Furnace Lips! That killer cute guy knew Aunt J?Apparently, she knew him, too.Hello, Ethan.Everything okay?It is now, he said, fiashing that familiär smile.Next time, back to Firestones.These Michelins can't take afinishing nail.Aunt J chuckled, then gestured in my direction.I'd like you to meet my niece Pattyn.She's visiting mefor the summer.Pleased to make your acquaintance, Pattyn.His eyes, filled with assessment, drew level with mine.Pretty name.I nodded, afraid my voice might stick to my tongue.AuntJ saved me major embarrassment.How's your father coping?Ethan's smile dried up like a summer mud puddle.He 's okay, I guess.But she left a pretty big hole.I know she did, Ethan, soothed Aunt J.Let me knowif you need any thing at all, and give your dad my best.211We Drove Off in Opposite DirectionsEthan's big Dodge cruised smoothlysouth on the asphalt, while Aunt J'sold Ford stuttered north in the dirt, with me, Pattyn (pretty name!), behind the wheel.Aunt J stared out the window, mired in some daydream.Where her mindhad wandered, I couldn't say.Anyway, my own mind was glued on Ethan.How did he and Aunt J know each other?Who was the woman whose memorysnatched away his incrediblesmile? Could someone like me give it back?Aunt J knew most of those answers, of course.But I sensed she wasn't in the mood to discuss them.AndI wasn't quite ready to admitmy budding infatuation.212I found a big, wide turnaround place, did an about-face, and putted back to the ranch house, still stuck on Ethan and how I might get to know him.Turned out it wasn't hard at all.213Journal Entry, June 7Yesterday I thought riding a horse was an accomplishment.TodayI learned how to drive.1 thinkI did pretty good, too.At least,I didn't run into anything or hlow up Aunt J's pickup.It wasn't exactly legal, I know.But Aunt J said it was her property, she'd danin well do as she pleased, and, besides, some laws were meant to be broken--laws made for noreason but to keep good people in check.She said the government was like an impatient cowboy--quick to hobble a spirited horse until it wasn't good.for anything but dogfood.I also met Ethan today [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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