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.“We all love her and we're all hurting.”Tears filled Saroj's eyes as she saw the ones shining in Avi's.She wanted to comfort him.So she took a step toward him, to hug him, to hold him as she had several thousands of times, but he walked past her to pull off a white cotton shirt from a hanger.He had become adept at buttoning his shirt, all the way, even without his right arm.He probably had always been able to button his shirts and tie his shoelaces with one hand, but he used to ask her for help.Being needed by him was as good as, and sometimes even better than, being loved by him.But as need eroded, Saroj was afraid that maybe even love had worn out.Through this tragic time they couldn't envelop each other and offer comfort.Instead they stood as adversaries, and bickered, from a distance.“If something happened they would call, right?” Saroj asked as a new doubt emerged.What if something went wrong while she had been away, while her mother was at watch?“Vasu has my cell phone,” Avi said.“Yes, she would call,” Saroj nodded and then sighed.“Why? I can't understand it.Shobha would never do something like this … Devi… always so fragile, so … weak.”She watched Avi put on the white cotton shirt.Before he could get to the buttons, she took a step toward him and started slipping the white buttons into their buttonholes as she used to all those years ago.She could feel the sudden rigidity in his body as she stood close, tension vibrating through him.What was wrong? she wondered.When had it all fallen apart? They had loved, loved so much, and now … nothing? The years had taken their toll.He'd worked hard, too hard, working late always, going away on business trips, always gone, to the point that when she was in labor with Devi, Avi drove her to the hospital via his office where he spent ten minutes and two contractions sorting out some matter.His priorities shifted and Saroj, whose place had been number one on his list, had slowly slipped to nonexistent.They'd stopped communicating as he'd started spending longer hours in the office, and then when he semi-retired it'd been so long since they'd spoken that conversing was difficult, and after a few jerky and unsuccessful attempts they gave up.A promised second honeymoon to Paris ended with him meeting some clients and Saroj walking by the Seine alone, marveling at the Notre Dame, the outdoor cafes, the romantic city without the man she'd always wanted to see it with.“Devi didn't do it because of me, did she, Avi?” Saroj asked, her fingers shaking as she slipped the last button into its little buttonhole.Avi took a step back, walked around her, and left the walk-in closet without answering Saroj's question.They drove to the hospital in Saroj's Mercedes.When they were together, Saroj always drove.It was habit.It started when they'd just married, still in India all those years ago.They'd inherited Vasu's old white Padmini Premier and always, Saroj drove it when they were together.Avi was competent at driving even without his right arm.Nevertheless, it was Saroj who sat in the driver's seat.The first time Saroj compared Shobha and Devi was when she was in labor with Devi.It was natural for a woman who had been in labor for more than thirty-five hours to feel some resentment toward the baby responsible for that mountain of pain.Even now Saroj felt guilty when she remembered how she'd howled, complained, and in general made a fool of herself.She'd now forgotten the physical pain, but remembered the embarrassment of having Avi tell her how it was wrong to blame the child.“Come on, Saroj, don't blame the child.You wanted a second child and so did I.Blame me … our child is without fault,” Avi had said seriously while allowing Saroj to crush his hand as she rode through another contraction.So it started then.Avi was always on Devi's side, always protecting her, no matter what her crime.Shobha and Avi had waged battles over the subject of Avi taking it easy on Devi, helping her become “a dependent loser.”Shobha was perfect as a baby.Born in the afternoon after putting Saroj through just five quick hours of labor, Shobha emerged with minimal pushing.A week after her birth, Shobha started sleeping for six hours every night, and within two months she was pulling eight hours a night.Saroj was surprised at how wonderfully easy Shobha was [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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