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.’‘And was that where we cooked the sausages? I was trying to remember.’I couldn’t suppress a small leap of pleasure.‘Yes.’‘That’s what I thought.’ And he spoke like someone trying to slot the various aspects of his life into some sort of order.‘We didn’t eat them, though, did we?’‘Not enough dry wood for the fire.They were still raw.’‘That’s right.I knew there was something.Yes…’A pause in which he appeared to forget I was there.‘Goodnight, Will.We’ll speak tomorrow.’‘Goodnight.And, Ali?’All.No one else had ever called me this.‘Yes?’‘Thanks for everything.’I lay awake for a long while.Just as I was sliding towards a troubled sleep, I was woken by the click of Paul’s key in the front door.In recent months when Paul had come in late I had taken to feigning sleep rather than endure a rambling inarticulate conversation.Tonight, however, I switched the light on again and, propping myself up, pretended to read a book.There were brief clatterings from the kitchen, then Paul’s heavy tread on the stairs.His head appeared round the door sideways, like a comedian at a theatre curtain, getting a feel for the audience.‘Hi!’ I said with false cheer.‘Still up?’ he said amiably, testing the water further.‘Couldn’t sleep.’Squinting at me from under drooping lids, trying to determine if it was really a smile on offer or something less welcoming, he finally wandered into the room.I could see the sweat glistening on his forehead, the blood pressure in his cheeks.He halted suddenly and, tapping a finger to his forehead in a gesture of memory, turned unsteadily and went out to the bathroom.The disappointment never lessened, the pain never became any less sharp.However hard I tried to suppress my hopes they always bobbed foolishly back to the surface: the belief that he might change, that somehow or another he would rediscover his self-respect, that against the odds the next evening would be different.When he reappeared I produced another smile.‘Ships that pass in the night.I wasn’t expecting to see you in court this morning.’Amid heavy breathing he stepped out of his trousers and draped them over a chair.‘Oh, goodness…it was just a remand, you know.Just a remand.’‘That’s why I couldn’t work out why you didn’t ask me to do it for you.’ I kept my voice lights and my smile too.He began to unbutton his shirt with studied concentration.‘No, no…had to do it myself.The client…wasn’t sure what he wanted, you know.’‘Was there a question of a bail application, then?’‘Possibly.Yes, that was it—bail.’‘But you sent Sturgess to get the instructions.I could have done that.’The shirt was proving a nuisance and he tugged impatiently at the top buttons.‘It’s a tricky case.Tricky.’‘Then why Sturgess? He’s junior, after all.’The buttons finally succumbed and Paul threw the shirt in the approximate direction of the laundry basket.‘Lexxy, Lexxy, I just felt I should be there.Nothing more to it.Don’t give me a hard time, please.‘ He sank ponderously onto the edge of the bed.But I had to go on, I couldn’t stop myself.‘It just seemed rather a duplication of effort, that’s all.I can’t understand why the office didn’t tell you I was there.If the system’s failing somewhere along the line, then we should make sure it doesn’t happen again.’‘It’s late, Lexxy.’ He gestured weariness, his voice rose peevishly.‘Can’t it wait, for God’s sake? Tomorrow’s another day!’‘I wasn’t suggesting we go into it now.It was just on my mind, that’s all.’‘It was just a titchy little thing—a titchy little case, for heaven’s sake!’‘Was it?’ And asking this, I was finally voicing my real concern.‘Who’s Munro anyway? Is he an old client?’‘New.’‘What’s his history?’‘Nothing much at all.’‘So it wasn’t a case for special treatment, then?’‘Lord give me peace!’ Paul cried, with a great shudder of exasperation.‘It was just one of those things, for God’s sake.Just—just…’ He splayed out a furious hand, the veins on his neck and temple stood out, and for an instant I thought he might burst a blood vessel.He let his anger go in a rush, with a long sigh, then hunched forward and clutched a hand to his forehead.‘Oh, Lexxy, Lexxy…I was going to tell you tomorrow.Honest to God, I was.’ He twisted round to cast me a sheepish look.‘To tell you the honest truths Lexxy, I forgot.’I waited.‘I forgot the case was coming up today and by the time I realized…’ He put on a mortified expression, the errant child who had meant no harm.‘I sent Gary because I couldn’t get away in time.’‘If that was all, why didn’t you say so?’ And I forced a smile.‘Oh, Lexxy…I felt so damned stupid, didn’t I?’ And he gave me the Irishman, all charm and penitence.There was something about this story that still worried me, though I couldn’t put my finger on it.‘Corinthia should have known.She should have reminded you.’‘No, no.Nothing to do with Corinthia.Entirely me.’ He clapped a hand to his chest like an actor of the old school.‘Foolish Paul! Forgetful Paul! Feather-brained Paul!’This was a cue we both knew well, the cue for me to reach out to him, to ask for and receive forgiveness, to offer the phrases of affection and understanding we had honed over the years.Yet for once something stopped me.My throat was tight, the words stalled on my tongue, I couldn’t bring myself to make the first move.Finally I said matter-of-factly, ‘Next time we’ll be sure to compare notes then, shall we?’He did not miss the significance of my tone.When he climbed into bed I could feel his reproach.‘I simply forgot, Lexxy.That’s all.Forgot.’I grunted noncommittally [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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