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.Because despite being utterly pointless, theirs is one of the most well-rewarded careers in existence.Which is why you punched them in the face in the first place, remember?Anyway, ever since there was more than one of them, TV stations have felt the need to brand themselves, just so you can tell them apart.And I have to admit, their efforts have provided some of my fondest telly memories since year dot.They may consist of little more than an animated logo and a tinny fanfare, but the lovely old bygone stings for TVS, ATV, Central or LWT still make me glow with nostalgia.You can find these and many more on an excellent website called TV Ark (www.tv-ark.org.uk) which serves as an unofficial repository for all manner of broadcast ephemera (including continuity and adverts).It’s a wonderfully evocative hall of forgotten memories, and an insanely addictive one at that.(I had to take a short break after typing the URL in just then, during which I repeatedly clicked-to-view the flowering ATV ident about sixteen times in a row, like a lab rat instinctively nudging a lever for sugar.)Anyway, that was then.Right now, the trend for idents seems to have moved away from bold, stark logos in favour of quirky little films incorporating subtle corporate livery—the latest example being ITV1’s faintly baffling mini-movies in which children cartwheel around, elderly men slap their tummies, and a couple stand in a cornfield hugging a tree, to a pseudo Sigur Ros soundtrack.Presumably it’s meant to convey a sense of warmth, accessibility and fun, and to be fair, it pretty much succeeds—it’s certainly less nauseating than past efforts involving ITV ‘faces’ such as Chris Tarrant larking around on a studio set.Trouble is, the other terrestrial channels are all doing something similar.Five, for instance, has a series of nano-films in which the word ‘five’ doesn’t appear at all: instead an alternate four-letter-word spelt out in the approved ‘five’ typeface is digitally woven into a piece of live-action footage (e.g.the word ‘rush’ appearing on the landscape below a plummeting skydiver).This in turn is similar to Channel Four’s eye-catching stings in which a gigantic ‘4’ suddenly looms over the landscape, sometimes made out of chunks of council estate, sometimes from pylons or bits of old hedge.Then you’ve got BBC1’s cast of dancing, skateboarding, leaping, twirling, tumbling ninnies, decked out in pillar-box red.In other words, they’ve all gone for the ‘quirky idiosyncratic’ feel, all at the same time—the end result being, ironically enough, that it’s actually quite hard to tell them apart.They’re like the crowd of followers from Life of Brian, shouting ‘Yes, we are all individual’ in unison.The only terrestrial channel currently not substituting little live action epics for good old fashioned animated idents is BBC2, which means that’s surely next in line to be assimiliated.Here’s hoping they stick to their guns—actually, here’s hoping they revert to a 2D cardboard-and-scissors kind of ident, just like the good old days.Something cold and distant and iconic and simple.A logo on a background.No slow-mo shots of jugglers.None of that bullshit.Or it’s another yet smack in the face for your marketing chum, I’m afraid.CSI: Jihad[ IB April 2006]Terrorists! They’re funny, aren’t they? Those distorted belief systems and murderous schemes really crack me up.Actually they don’t.They spook me to the core.We’re always being told we shouldn’t be afraid of terrorists because ‘that’s precisely what they want’—but since they’d never be classed as ‘terrorists’ if they weren’t doing ‘terrifying’ things in the first place, that strikes me as a bit of pointless argument; a bit like expecting someone not to flinch when you shout ‘boo’ at them.Besides, take the ‘terror’ out of ‘terrorist’, and what’re you left with? A ‘wrist’.And what use is a wrist? Aside from providing you with a pleasant, fleeting distraction from encroaching global terrorism, I mean?Scared and confused though I clearly am, I’ve nonetheless spent the last few days guzzling my way through Sleeper Cell (FX), a US mini-series about an FBI agent infiltrating a group of fundamentalist terrorists hell-bent on bringing death and destruction to Los Angeles.The first episode starts this week; unusually, I was sent the entire series for preview purposes, and sat through the whole thing in two marathon sessions.Which isn’t to say it’s brilliant.It’s actually rather jarring.Sleeper Cell resembles two entirely different programmes bolted together: one a complex and often intelligent look at Islamic fundamentalism, the other a dumb-as-a-box-of-rocks TV thriller.It’s like an episode of The A-Team scripted by Robert Fisk.The main character is undercover FBI agent Darwyn Al-Sayeed, who, as luck would have it, is also a devoted, peace-loving Muslim.He’s also ridiculously good-looking—the sort of guy you normally see getting his shirt torn off in a Beyonce video [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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