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.“But you must understand.In France, I was not a modiste.That is a lie I have used here.In France I was a femme de chambre and I left with the son of the house.He established me here.Of the families I know, my reference would ruin you.” I stared at her in dismay, and Mademoiselle Suzette hastened to reassure me.“Mon Dieu, child, do not to cry.I will help you.But you must to have patience.”Somehow her odd English, in that moment, was very reassuring.And with no protest, I allowed myself to be put to bed.This time she put me in the guest room.I was soon asleep.I woke slowly, puzzled at the strangeness of the room.Then I remembered.I was out of bed quickly and began pacing, trying to form new plans.Mademoiselle Suzette had said she would help me, but perhaps it would be best not to rely on her entirely.By teatime I had achieved no more than to decide to go to France alone, without references, if need be.Lady Kinwell could always write one, after all.Mademoiselle took tea with me and again counselled patience.She was very curious about my life as Lady Kinwell, and I answered her questions in much detail.At one point she said, “Tiens, you do not hate him, then?”“Only because he ravished me,” I said frankly.“Oh, mon Dieu, that is nothing! So many women are ravished on their wedding night! Sir Leslie was only hasty.”“It is everything to me,” I said coldly, “this hastiness.”“Could you not begin again?” she asked.I shook my head vehemently.“Anyway, he does not want me, now.”After a time, she left.I was alone that evening, for Mademoiselle Suzette felt it best I not be seen.And she would not let me aid with the needlework this time, so perforce I had to think.To my surprise, I found I missed my chamber at the castle, with Ellen and my books and the little things I had come to think of as my own.And Leslie.Above all, Leslie.Resolutely, however, I prepared for bed and extinguished the candle.I lay in the darkness, vainly willing myself to sleep.The first light of morning had appeared before I succeeded.And it was noon before I woke to find Mademoiselle Suzette setting a tray on the table.She regarded me carefully, but shrewdly said nothing.And to my questions, she only would reply, “Have patience, chérie.”That day was the longest I had yet known, and in desperation, I at last turned to the books that filled a small bookcase in my room.It was good practice for my French.Though it was difficult to keep my thoughts on what I read, I forced myself, with the sense of one accomplishing something worthwhile.I saw Mademoiselle but briefly, as there were many important clients that day.Yet I was not concerned, for she said she had determined on a plan, though she would not say what it was.I sought my bed early, for want of aught else to do.But sleep was as elusive as the night before.And, senselessly, I cried.My thoughts were many, but all tangled as a spider’s web.I slept not at all and, at dawn, rose to write.It was sometime later when someone opened my door.Knowing it was Mademoiselle Suzette, or her maid, I did not turn at once as I said, “Come in.”And then, my heart beating wildly, my pen slid across the page as Leslie said, “Good morning, madam.”Chapter 15I forced myself to turn slowly to face Leslie.But no force of will could lift me to my feet.“Good morning, Leslie,” I said.“May I ask how you found me?”“Mademoiselle Suzette sent for me,” he replied curtly.“I see.”So, my only ally had betrayed me.I waited for Leslie to speak, for I could not.“Philip and Mary are well,” he said, at last.“Though greatly distressed by your disappearance.”“I left letters.”“So you did, madam,” he said contemptuously.“Should that lessen the offense?” He was angry now.“We’ve had two sleepless nights, the servants and I.And we gave out that you’d gone to London early, though I doubt it will silence the tattle-boxes.”I retorted.“Ah, yes, the god you worship.respectability.might have been disturbed! And nothing else matters, does it?”“Be quiet, madam!”“No, I will not.I left you so that you might annul our marriage.You should find your respectability easier to maintain without me!”“Do you think so?” he asked bitterly.“I had not understood you to be so concerned for my welfare! And in any case, your departure would not aid me.Everyone would think you a second Jane and all the evil suspicions would be confirmed.”I was aghast at this notion which had not before occurred to me.“Leslie, I.”“Spare me your protests, madam.Indeed, spare me further speech.We leave for my town house in half an hour.Prepare yourself.”And then he was gone.I still sat, frozen, staring at the door, when Mademoiselle Suzette entered.I regarded her angrily.She stood, hands on hips, and said, “Tiens! But he is a fool! So you have had words.And you are angry with me.”“He is concerned only for his reputation!” I spat out.“Ma foi! You are as stupid as he is!” she said bluntly.“He speaks so because he does not know how else to deal with such a woman.”“I should have gone to Lady Mary,” I said bitterly.“Though his sister, she would not have betrayed me.”“That one!” Mademoiselle tossed her head.“She would not be eager to see this marriage [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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