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.I could no longer recall the precise color of her eyes, could no longer call to mind the unique details of her smile, the specific mannerisms that were hers and hers alone.Everywhere I looked, in every crowd, there seemed to be at least one young woman who looked like Jane, and I found myself wondering whether I would recognize her if I saw her again.If she’d changed her hairstyle or was wearing a different type of clothes, I could probably pass right by her and not notice.The thought of that made me incredibly sad.God, I hated being Ignored.I hated it.I don’t mean to say that I disliked my fellow terrorists or that I didn’t enjoy being with them.I did.It was just that… I didn’t want to like being with them.I didn’t want to enjoy the things I enjoyed.I didn’t want to be who I was.But that was something I would never be able to change.After the experience with Mary and Philipe, I gave up on sex.I took myself out of the loop.Mary still spent different nights at different houses, but her trips to my house were limited to John’s and James’ bedrooms.She was polite to me, and I was polite to her, but for the most part we tried to ignore each other and stay out of one another’s way.Philipe’s attitude toward me seemed to have changed as well.We were not as close as we had been.If we had had hierarchical ranks, I would probably still be his second in command—but he would resent me for it.As with Mary, Philipe and I were polite, outwardly friendly, but whatever real camaraderie we had once shared was gone.Philipe also seemed harder now, more businesslike, less inclined to joke around or have fun.And it was not just with me.He was that way with everybody.Even Junior remarked upon it.But of course no one dared say anything to his face.I got the impression that Philipe had come to the same conclusions about the efficacy of our organization as I had.He spent most of the next week by himself, locked in his room, in his house.We did go out to a few Garden Grove car dealerships on Saturday and pick up some new vehicles, but other than that we laid low, and Philipe we saw only at dinner.He called us together the next Thursday for a meeting in the sales office.He sent Paul around to the different houses with written invitations for each person, and he made it clear that this was a mandatory meeting, that he had something important to announce.At eight o’clock, the appointed time, I walked across the street with James and John.Apparently, Philipe or Paul or Tim had stolen a key or found some way to pick the lock because the door to the office was open, and all the lights were on.On a table in the middle of the room, spread over a map of the subdivision, was a map of Orange County.Around the table were thirteen chairs.We sat next to Tim and Paul and Mary, waiting for the others.Philipe did not begin speaking until we had all arrived and were seated.Then he jumped right in.“You know why we’re together,” he said.“You know our purpose.But lately we seem to have lost sight of that purpose.” He looked around the room.“What have we been doing? We call ourselves terrorists, but who have we terrorized? What terrorist acts have we actually performed? We’ve been playing at being terrorists, having fun, doing what we wanted with the liberty afforded us and pretending that our actions have meaning.”The liberty afforded us.Philipe had practiced this.He had written it out ahead of time.A wave of cold passed through me.I suddenly knew what was coming next.“We need to take our roles seriously.If we’re going to call ourselves terrorists, then we need to act like terrorists.We need to draw attention to our cause in the way we originally planned.We need to make a statement.A bold statement that will capture the attention of the country.” He paused, and there was an excited sparkle in his sharp eyes.“I think we should blow up Familyland.”There was a sick sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach as I heard the name of the amusement park.I looked around our group and I saw that James and Tim and Buster and Don felt the same way.But on the faces of the others, Steve and Junior in particular, I saw looks of excited anticipation.Philipe pointed down at the map on the table in front of us.“I’ve devised a plan, and I think it will work.”He outlined his idea.Explosives, he said, would be obtained from the road construction crew currently blasting through south county hills in an effort to build a new highway.We would then arrive at Familyland, in teams of two, coming at different times, in different cars, from different entrances.We would each be equipped with explosives and remote detonators, and at a prearranged time we would get on different rides, plant the explosives, and then meet on the train, where, while passing through Dinosaur Country, we would detonate the explosives simultaneously.We would get off the train at the Old Town entrance and then walk calmly and individually out to our respective cars before driving home.He would, ahead of time, send letters to the police and the media, taking credit for the attack in the name of the Terrorists for the Common Man.“Wow!” Steve said, grinning.“Killer idea!”There was no discussion of the plan.Philipe announced that that was all, the meeting was over, and like a general, he nodded brusquely to us and, hands clasped stiffly behind his back, walked off alone into the night.The rest of us looked at each other, looked at the map on the table, but said nothing.We split up.And we, too, walked alone into the night.ELEVENIt was almost as if I were in a trance, as if I had no will of my own.For the next two weeks, the other terrorists and I prepared for the attack on Familyland.I didn’t want to, I thought it was wrong, but I was a sheep and said nothing, and I followed Philipe’s directions and did as I was told.At night, alone in my bed, I told myself that I wanted to leave, that I wanted to get away from the terrorists, that I just wanted to go back to the way things were before and live out my anonymous life in peace.I told myself that.But it wasn’t true [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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